Liz Murray: Self-Conscious Emotions

In the last post, I talked about that Liz had been surrounded by a deep sadness before she reentered high school. One of the reasons was that life did not give her a chance to deal with her emotions because she was busy taking care of her mother, struggling with hunger, and finding a place to sleep. A lot of events that happened to her were uncontrollable, so shame and guilt definitely appeared in her story. However, as one proverb says that God will open a window when he closes a door, Liz also had success and experienced pride in her life. 

When Liz was in elementary school, she barely went to school because she knew that her classmates would stay away from her, and they would say to her, “You smell stinky.” That was because her dad thought taking a bath was too much, so Liz decided not to take a shower in order to please her dad. Therefore, she had to tolerate the uncomfortable feeling in her body and the unfriendly look from her classmates. Her teacher also emphasized this issue and asked Liz to clean herself. Every time when other people talked about her smell, it brought Liz embarrassment. Because it is a perceived failure to meet “persona” standards, and the context is less important than a self-identity. I excluded shame because I think taking a bath was controllable. Later Liz left her dad, and she could clean herself and have clean clothes to go to school. That was when she started making new friends, and they brought happiness to Liz during that time. 

Liz started to be accepted by her friends, and she invited them to her place, which was her grandfather’s apartment. When they were having fun, her drunk other came back and knocking the door with yelling. Her friends were shocked and told Liz it was a crazy woman in the hallway. Liz opened the door and helped her mother go to the bathroom. Her friends saw this and left the place. I think at that moment, Liz felt shame. Because she started to make new friends the first time and tried to leave them a good impression of being a friend, her mother came and broke all of that. I look at this as a public failure and disappointment to her new friends, and it is an uncontrollable event. 

Even though Liz lived in an uncontrollable environment, her academic performance was never a failure. From her elementary school years, she could bring a score of 100 test home. I remember in the movie that she was so excited to show her neighbor Eva and her mother that she got 100 on the test. At that moment, Liz was proud of herself, and she was pride because she thought she did great on the test. When she found out she was the first place in the whole school after she reentered the high school, she was surprised and proud. I believe her effort and ability were confirmed, and she was told she did great in school. I think the movie did not show hubris in Liz’s story. Even in the most exciting moment that when Liz was told that she got the New York Times scholarship, she was too excited and hugged the person who told her. At that moment, I think Liz felt more was thankfulness instead of hubris. 

With this last post, I want to express my thankfulness to this movie, the character Liz Murray. I am thankful that Liz Murray revealed her emotions, goals, expectancy, values, and everything to me, and it makes me think about my own goals and expectancies. Since this movie is based on a true story, it encouraged me to pursue my goals no matter what difficulties are in front of me. It also presented me with a different life from my life perspective, as she said, “One point of view gives you a one-dimensional world.” I am thankful that I got to see a corner of Liz Murray’s world, and I hope I can live in my world a little better than before.